


*Borat Voice* MY WIFE

by M_Logolepsy



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Prompt Fill, Team as Family, a dash of angst, author isn't good at tags, podcast-accurate swearing, the director gets mad puss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-13 00:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14738924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M_Logolepsy/pseuds/M_Logolepsy
Summary: meradorm on tumblr: I like the idea that Lucretia started a family, she just chose not to tell the THB or introduce them to each other because it was hard for her to get close to people who don’t remember herAfter they get their memories back it’s no longer an issue but Lucretia just fucking forgotAnd so she assumes they all met at some point and the gang just thinks Lucretia prefers being a bachelorette so they don’t say anything, and Lucretia’s still a little reclusive so this goes on longer than you’d reasonably expect it toBut one day they’re all at dinner together and she says “I won’t be coming next Thursday, my wife will be furious if I miss one of our daughters’ recitals”Pandemonium. Pandemonium at that table.





	*Borat Voice* MY WIFE

The pause that hangs in the air is a mountain weighing on Lucretia’s shoulders. She looks around nervously- What did she say this time? She loves them, and they are her family and her home, but every conversation feels like a minefield and every word she says could be another reason for them to leave her. She’d deserve- 

“You have a WIFE?!” Lup screams, her face alight with mania and her hair with actual fucking fire. 

Lucretia laughs incredulously. “Uh? Yeah?” 

Absolute chaos. Magnus flips the table in an instant. Taako is shrieking and grabbing Lucretia’s shoulders. Most of Lup is fire. Davenport is squinting at the wall, completely unmoving even as a chair hits the wall behind him. Merle nods over and over again. Barry yells out nervously as he clings to Magnus’s shoulders, trying to stay away from the ensuing carnage and his own wife. 

They retire to the living room. 

“Alright, who knew?” Magnus begins. 

Barry barks out a laugh. “Not me. Why would I know? No. Nope. Natch.” 

Lup turns to him slowly, her hair still singed at the tips. “That’s not what natch means.” 

“Uh…. Natch?” 

“You only talk like a dumbass when you’re trying to lie.” 

“Hey, fucking rude, Lulu,” Taako says. “Besides, Jorts is full of shit, his spooky ass stalked us all for years.” 

“He and Annette do brunch on Sundays and complain about the Bureau,” Lucretia admits.

“Her name is Annette?!” Lup yells. “Who ARE you? I don’t even know your last name!” 

“We actually kept our last names.” 

Lup screams. 

“Julia and I hyphenated, actually,” Magnus tells her. 

Lucretia grins and rolls her eyes. “I know, Magnus. You write it on everything.” 

“Oh, that reminds me, she gave me more letters for you,” Barry tells him, handing him a stack of letters. 

“Don’t even BREATHE, Bluejeans,” Lup threatens. 

 

“I don’t… need to?” Barry tells her. “I’m dead.” 

“Yeah, you FUCKING ARE!” She yells, hair lighting up again.

“Hey, Lulu? Wanna stop wasting spell slots for the drama of it all?” Taako suggests. 

Lup rolls her eyes and her hair goes back to normal. “You’re taking this well, Taaks. Thoughts?” 

Taako shrugs. “Another big secret from Lucretia? Not fucking surprising. I mean…” He trails off, his lax features narrowing. “Wait. Phoebe.” 

Lucretia smiles sheepishly. 

“Ango’s little friend?” Magnus asks, watching Taako carefully. 

“Our kids are fucking BEST FRIENDS and you didn’t goddamn TELL ME?” Taako shrieks, launching himself out of his chair and- 

Lucretia and Taako are carefully situated across the room from each other, Taako wedged in between Barry and Magnus and pouting. 

“In my defense, I thought you all already knew,” Lucretia tells the room. 

Angry comments are thrown back at her. 

“What’re you thinking, Cap’n?” Magnus asks the captain staring at the wall. 

He shakes off the trance he was caught in, but uncertainty still rests in his eyes. “It’s all sort of a mess from back, uh, then, but… I think… Lucretia, was I at your wedding?” 

The room drops to silence. 

She flushes and nods guiltily. “Yeah, Davenport. You were.” 

He nods slowly. “Good. I’m glad.” 

Lucretia smiles softly even if the guilt still rings harshly in her chest. 

“I knew you were married,” Merle starts. 

Magnus snorts. “No you didn’t.” 

“I totally did, asshole!” 

“Why would she have told you?” Magnus argues. “When would she have?” 

“You were flirting with her that whole time! You’re nasty!” Taako shouts from under Magnus’s shoulder. 

“I was not!” Merle loudly argues. 

“Ugh, who cares!” Lup cries out. She inhales sharply through her nose and her eyes soften. “I can’t believe you got married without us.” 

Lucretia stares pointedly at her feet. She opens and closes her mouth a couple times, starting sentences and reasoning and never being able to find her footing. Finally, she says, “You didn’t remember me, and Lup, you were gone, and.. And I knew… Even when you did, even if you all came back, I knew all of you would resent me after, which is completely warranted, so...” 

Lup tackles her, and- 

She buries her head in Lucretia’s shoulder and pulls her into a tight hug. “You absolute buffoon. You dumbass motherfucker. We would never fucking willingly miss your wedding.” 

“Yeah, god, stop being so wrong all the time,” Taako tells her, putting a hand on her shoulder. 

It means the world to Lucretia. 

Magnus looks to the gap in between himself and Barry and gapes, offended, at Taako. 

“Blink, bitch.” 

“Oh, who’s wasting spell slots for the drama of it all now?” Lup calls out. 

“Shut up, Lulu.” 

“Ugh, you all shut up and get in here, it’s group hug time now, we’re healing and being a sappy love family pile again, dickwads,” Lup announces. 

“Oh, no no, Taako’s got an appearance to make today- No, Magnus! Merle you fucking traitor-” Taako cries out as he is pulled down onto the couch and into the family hug pile. 

After a long, happy moment, Davenport looks at the carnage his house boat has became and sighs. “Lucretia, we’re doing family dinner at your house next time.” 

Lucretia smiles. “Yeah. That seems fair.”

**Author's Note:**

> ;)
> 
> if you enjoyed this come follow me on tumblr and yell about taz with me and send me prompts. or just yell at me to finish my big bang because wow that needs to happen. that one's more coherent than this and it's julia centric 
> 
> fricknerd.tumblr.com


End file.
